Core beliefs: Are yours propelling your forward or holding you back?

TL;DR

The ability to learn from mistakes is often influenced by our core beliefs. Mistakes are opportunities for growth, yet so often we perceive them as failure, and then we learn to believe that we are failures. Coaching can help uncover and reframe limiting beliefs. In this blog we explore a coaching client's perceptions about failure, core beliefs driving those perceptions and a method to reframing core beliefs.

Introduction

Our relationship with making mistakes is the difference between learning and stagnating. The ability to learn from mistakes is often influenced by our core beliefs. Mistakes are opportunities for growth, yet so often we perceive them as failure, and then we learn to believe that we are failures.

Cultivating self-awareness and reframing beliefs allows us to see mistakes as valuable lessons instead of sources of shame.

Core beliefs also influence how we respond to challenges—whether through defensiveness, avoidance, or guilt. Examining these patterns empowers us to replace reactive behaviours with thoughtful choices, fostering resilience and curiosity.

Reflection is a crucial step in learning and growing but is frequently overlooked due to reactive self-judgment. By reflecting on and redefining limiting beliefs, we gain the courage to embrace mistakes as stepping stones toward growth and innovation. Coaching provides a safe, non-judgmental space to explore the core beliefs that shape our perceptions and behaviours, especially around perfectionism, failure, and self-worth.

The ability to learn from mistakes is often influenced by our core beliefs. - Briony Liber

Get curious

Take a moment to consider how your own core beliefs might influence your ability to learn and grow.

Core beliefs and their impact

During a recent coaching session, I helped my client define two core beliefs that were affecting her ability to feel safe and confident in facing mistakes and holding her back in her potential as a leader.

The first belief, “Everyone needs to be happy, and it’s my responsibility to make them happy” placed an overwhelming burden on her shoulders. This mindset led her to internalize failures as personal shortcomings, fostering guilt and defensiveness whenever outcomes didn’t align with expectations.

The second belief, “If I’m not busy and productive, I am not worthy” compelled her to equate her sense of self-worth with constant activity and external validation. This relentless pursuit of productivity left little room for self-reflection or self-care, while also amplifying her fear of mistakes as threats to her identity and value.

Shifting core beliefs

Breaking free from limiting beliefs begins with nurturing self-awareness and practicing self-compassion. Rather than expecting my client to abandon a deeply held belief entirely in one leap, I offered her a gentler path.

Often, the temptation is to flip the belief entirely - to its opposite - and strive to embody this new mindset instantly. This approach can be overwhelming and, more often than not, leads to frustration and hopelessness when the change feels unattainable.

A kinder, more realistic strategy involves gradually reshaping the belief over time, introducing small, manageable changes in behaviour. This method allows for steady progress and creates room for growth without the pressure of perfectionism. Think of it as climbing a ladder, one rung at a time, where each step builds your confidence and ability to sustain these new habits. By focusing on progress, rather than instant transformation, you open the door to meaningful, lasting change.

Explanation of the Ladder Method

The ladder method is a technique used to reframe core beliefs by gradually shifting them one rung at a time. This approach helps in making the transition more manageable and believable for the individual. Here's a summary of how it works.

Identify the Core Belief:

Start with the existing core belief that needs to be reframed (this in itself can take some time to clearly define).

Create Intermediate Steps:

Develop intermediate beliefs that are slightly more positive or rational than the original belief. These steps act as rungs on a ladder, making the transition smoother. There may be many “rungs” between the original core belief and the ultimate reframed or desired belief.

Reframe the Belief:

Gradually move from the original belief to the desired belief by climbing the ladder one rung at a time.

Example of Rephrasing Core Beliefs

In my client’s coaching session, we got as far as shifting the original beliefs by one or two “rungs”

Original Belief: Everyone needs to be happy, and it's my job to make everyone happy.

• First Rung: I want everyone were happy, but there’s a limit in what I can do to make everyone happy (it’s not perfect but it’s a small shift in the belief and gives my client space to accept that she cannot control other people's emotions).

• Second Rung: I want everyone to be happy, but it’s not my job to make them happy (it’s still not perfect but it takes my client one step further in accepting that other people's emotions are not her responsibility).

• Possible Desired Belief: Everyone is responsible for their own emotions and emotional reactions and it’s my job to stay focussed on my emotions and intentional choose how I respond.

Original Belief: If I'm not busy and productive all the time, I'm not worthy.

• First Rung: I don't have to be busy and productive all the time to be worthy (it’s not perfect but it creates space for my client to shift her need to always be busy and productive).

• Second Rung: By not being busy and productive all the time, I create space for myself to explore my definition of worth.

• Possible Desired Belief: My integrity is my worth.

By using the ladder method, you can gradually shift your core beliefs to more positive and helpful ones, that align with who it is that you are striving to be and unblock your ability to learn and grow in alignment with your personal and professional aspirations.

Sounds easy... but it's not

Learning and growth demand the courage to step (out of your comfort zone) into discomfort, recognizing it as an integral part of the journey. By embracing discomfort, you can break free from reactive patterns and align your actions with who you want to be. This means acknowledging your fears and uncertainties and choosing to move forward despite them.

But the human brain hates this as it's inherently programmed to safeguard you, often triggering instinctive responses (fight, flight, freeze, fawn, or flop) in the face of perceived "danger". These reactions are rooted in the brain’s inability to differentiate between perceived and actual harm.

As children, we lacked autonomy and developed coping mechanisms such as taking responsibility for others’ happiness to navigate emotional landscapes. While these strategies may have served us then, they often evolve into limiting core beliefs as adults.

As an adult, the responsibility for emotions lies with each individual. Striving to please everyone in an effort to maintain harmony sets unrealistic expectations and leads to inevitable disappointment. With maturity comes autonomy and the ability to make intentional choices that reflect your values and aspirations rather than reactive patterns born out of fear.

Embracing discomfort is about transcending these reactive behaviours and fostering alignment between your actions and the person you wish to become. It requires intentionally becoming conscious, embracing curiosity about your core beliefs, having self-compassion for the purpose that these beliefs once served, getting creative in redefining the beliefs that will serve you more effectively, leveraging courage to practice new behaviours and regularly connecting with the future version of yourself that you are working towards being.

Conclusion

Your core beliefs shape how you navigate challenges, how you perceive mistakes and how you learn and grow. By challenging and reframing these beliefs, you can create a safer space for yourself to learn and grow.

Coaching plays a crucial role in helping professionals build self-awareness and overcome the intrapersonal blockages that limit their growth and success. Through coaching, you are afforded a safe space to reflect, gain valuable insights, develop new perspectives, and create actionable plans to achieve your goals.

If you're ready to embrace discomfort and unlock your full potential, consider working with The Briony Liber Coaching Group. Contact Briony Liber today to start your journey towards connecting with the curious, courageous, compassionate leader that you are meant to be.

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Welcome to The Briony Liber Coaching Group!

Our mission is to help you connect with the curious, courageous, compassionate leader that you are meant to be.

Conscious, curious, creative, compassionate, courageous, connected. These are attributes of great self-leaders. These are the qualities we work with you to develop when you come to The Briony Liber Coaching Group for coaching on any aspect of your self-leadership and career.

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